Love is everything to me. All relationships. All love. So complex, I love without trust. Never want anyone to see past the face I put on. I never want them to hear the cries from within. Too afraid to admit my fears. Fear of loving and hurting. Who I guess I’m not sure. Hurting and lost. Searching for my first heartbreak. Where is the pain when you need it.I searched for it high and low. Equally fucked up from both. The lows numbed the pain of disappointment. But the highs, they hurt the most. It’s never the fear of flying only the big fall. But once I did my heart continued to break and shatter to the floor. It’s like a scene that keeps replaying. I look for love and bask in its newness. Running as soon as it gets old. Needing to feel refresh and paint a vision of who I want to be next. 424 moons and mirror and I still don’t know the little girl that was abandoned at  just 5 years old.